Allow me to share with everyone this really cute piece written by Ric Reichert in MonkeyBicycle.net.
Debaters, lovers, and everyone else in between, this couple could be you.
Opposing Perceptions of the Same Argument...with Both Arriving at the Same Conclusion
By Ric Reichert
"Cheryl, have a look! I believe you'll agree that this equation is absolutely extraordinary."
"Extraordinary: Strange, unexpected, astonishing... and perhaps, even remarkable. Absolutely: Definitely and completely, unquestionably."
"Jeffrey, I've examined this hypothesis before. You're completely mistaken."
"Of course you think I am, Cheryl. You're contrary."
"Contrary: Opposing, obstinate, and difficult. That's you in a nutshell."
"Your name calling does not alter my professional and scientific opinion."
"Right. You automatically assume the contrary view to any of my observations and discoveries. I say, recondite DNA and you say, boring... old hat. Nothing new."
"And exactly what was that supposed to mean, Jeffrey? That sounded terribly personal."
"I'm sorry, my dear. For your illumination... and for those owning microscopic intelligence who haven't already figured it out for themselves... you're a colossal bitch."
"Then this is personal. Now you're acting childish."
"Childish: Marked by or indicating a lack of maturity, puerile."
"You're sidestepping the issue at hand, Cheryl. On the table is my mathematical equation. I've worked on it for nearly a year. It establishes the--"
"Very well, let me read it again. Now, exactly what is this coefficient?"
"X in the term of X times the sum of A and B, divided by A squared over E."
"The predictable measure of motion."
"My formula is striking, don't you think? Condensed in such a simple equation, I've managed to make clear the relationship between the elements and the whole in a set of principles that guides and directs the whole, without altering the random actions of the sub-elements."
"I know exactly what is happening here, Cheryl. You're envious."
"Refrain from saying that, please."
"Poppycock, poppycock, poppycock."
"Because I think you're using first grade arithmetic to explain your thesis?"
"No, because the last original thought you had involved two laboratory rats and a bell. That makes you envious."
"Ha! And you believe this equation is original?"
"Jeffrey, you can be just like your mother."
"Your mother is doggedly bullheaded, maddeningly insensitive to anyone's feelings other than her own, and she can be dismissive."
"That's nasty, Cheryl."
"We've been married ten years, Jeffrey, but her little boy still runs to his mamma for counsel and consoling, a glass of milk and cookies whenever your feelings are hurt. You should consider untangling yourself from your mother's apron strings."
"Now that's nasty multiplied by itself."
"Purely my analytical observation, that's all."
"Is that right?"
"One could postulate a valid argument that a man marries his mother."
"Now who's being nasty, Jeffrey?"
"You're right. I'm sorry."
"You called me a bitch earlier."
"I'm sorry about that, too."
"I'm not a bitch."
"I can be, at times."
"But I wasn't a bitch at this instance."
"I have an idea, Jeffrey. It's not very original, though."
"What prompted this course of action, Cheryl?"
"Quarreling stirs the emotions, raises one's blood pressure, flushing the skin, and increases heart palpitation, often resulting in an unexpected outcome."
"But today is not Saturday."
"The key word is unexpected."
"That was absolutely amazing, Cheryl. You've reaffirmed my initial attraction to our union."
"More astonishing than my conjecture about polar ice caps on Mars?"
Now, isn't this cute?
If you want to see the original piece, then just click on this link.
False Hope and Falling Stars
1 year ago